The Bitch in the Machine

First, my apologies to all of you who have been waiting on tenterhooks for this, my next blog entry. Laura and I have been on sabbatical from our sabbatical, living for a month in the relative Taj Mahal of the upstairs storage room of the animal hospital. It has a real bed! Well, a futon, which feels like a real bed when you’ve been sleeping on the sandstone of various southwest national parks. I had been asked to mentor the new graduate for a month and to get a couple of Windows 8.1 laptops playing nicely with the existing network. Here’s a screenshot:


At least we were able to rescue the cats from the farm, which has developed a cat-eatin’ pit bull along with the two cat-chasing dogs they’ve been having to deal with. So we’ve been –


OMG, I just saw an early bird get a worm! Really! It’s 5:20 AM and I’m sitting in the Tesl   a, charging in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn Express ($139.99) down the street from the Sunset Inn ($59.99), where Laura is still snoozing, and a grackle on the lawn just reached down and grabbed one.
                                                Wait, I’ve got to focuswhere was I?  Oh yeah…
– sharing their futon with them. I got them a squeaking cat toy (Ain’t technology wonderful?) from PetCo. Here they are, wondering whose turn it is:


So far, feedback on my blog has been mostly positive. Mercifully, I haven’t attracted any haters. The only negative comment was from one of my ex-employees who says “It’s like reading War and Peace”. I’d take that as a compliment except she hasn’t read any more than 1/2 a page of my blog and even less of War and Peace. The kids these days, they get their literature as facebook bites. As a result I have vowed to post more frequent and less wordy & rambling blogs (Ooops. Too late.  Maybe next time).
And I am truly sorry I used the word ‘literature’ in a blog.
We will move on to The Bitch in the Machine.
We named our Tesla Joulie. I instantly hit it off with her as soon as I met her. Just liked her looks, I guess. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her. She seemed to like me, too. She was very accommodating, was fun to be with, and even offered to do things I hadn’t expected. All in all a great relationship developed. Alright, I’m personifying a machine, but that’s human nature. And she’s a very personable machine, so who could blame me?
However, it wasn’t always the best of relationships. I felt vaguely uncomfortable whenever she used her ‘navigation voice’. Sure, she was always polite (“Please turn soon”), but the way she said it – it sounded as if she was just pretending to like me. And sometimes she sounded overtly annoyed. Sometimes she was even passive-aggressive, like this one time in Twin Falls she told me to turn the wrong way down a one-way street. And if I deviated in the slightest from her suggested path, for whatever good reason, she jumped all over my ass about it! “You have made a wrong turn. Please make a U-turn soon.” Always Oh So Polite, but endlessly harping on me until I capitulated and did it her way. And if I was right and she was wrong she’d never just admit it and apologize. I was really starting to feel bad. Sometimes she was just so not the person I thought she was. It was confusing, ‘cuz most of the time it was all sweetness and light between us. And then it hit me – the navigation lady is a different person from the actual car! The navigation lady is a little tinpot dictator, a control freak and a real bitch. The car, my Joulie, is sweet and smart and funny and athletic.
But The Bitch and I have come to an understanding. We have to work together and we’ll just make the best of it. If she gets on me, I just mute her (Not in anger), and she doesn’t take it personally.


One thought on “The Bitch in the Machine

  1. Arrived back in San Diego this morning from Colorado. Tesla’s are extremely popular here; not so much when you head east to the desert and very long stretches of lonely highway.

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