The Bitch in the Machine

First, my apologies to all of you who have been waiting on tenterhooks for this, my next blog entry. Laura and I have been on sabbatical from our sabbatical, living for a month in the relative Taj Mahal of the upstairs storage room of the animal hospital. It has a real bed! Well, a futon, which feels like a real bed when you’ve been sleeping on the sandstone of various southwest national parks. I had been asked to mentor the new graduate for a month and to get a couple of Windows 8.1 laptops playing nicely with the existing network. Here’s a screenshot:

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At least we were able to rescue the cats from the farm, which has developed a cat-eatin’ pit bull along with the two cat-chasing dogs they’ve been having to deal with. So we’ve been –

 *!*

OMG, I just saw an early bird get a worm! Really! It’s 5:20 AM and I’m sitting in the Tesl   a, charging in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn Express ($139.99) down the street from the Sunset Inn ($59.99), where Laura is still snoozing, and a grackle on the lawn just reached down and grabbed one.
                                                Wait, I’ve got to focuswhere was I?  Oh yeah…
– sharing their futon with them. I got them a squeaking cat toy (Ain’t technology wonderful?) from PetCo. Here they are, wondering whose turn it is:

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So far, feedback on my blog has been mostly positive. Mercifully, I haven’t attracted any haters. The only negative comment was from one of my ex-employees who says “It’s like reading War and Peace”. I’d take that as a compliment except she hasn’t read any more than 1/2 a page of my blog and even less of War and Peace. The kids these days, they get their literature as facebook bites. As a result I have vowed to post more frequent and less wordy & rambling blogs (Ooops. Too late.  Maybe next time).
And I am truly sorry I used the word ‘literature’ in a blog.
We will move on to The Bitch in the Machine.
We named our Tesla Joulie. I instantly hit it off with her as soon as I met her. Just liked her looks, I guess. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her. She seemed to like me, too. She was very accommodating, was fun to be with, and even offered to do things I hadn’t expected. All in all a great relationship developed. Alright, I’m personifying a machine, but that’s human nature. And she’s a very personable machine, so who could blame me?
However, it wasn’t always the best of relationships. I felt vaguely uncomfortable whenever she used her ‘navigation voice’. Sure, she was always polite (“Please turn soon”), but the way she said it – it sounded as if she was just pretending to like me. And sometimes she sounded overtly annoyed. Sometimes she was even passive-aggressive, like this one time in Twin Falls she told me to turn the wrong way down a one-way street. And if I deviated in the slightest from her suggested path, for whatever good reason, she jumped all over my ass about it! “You have made a wrong turn. Please make a U-turn soon.” Always Oh So Polite, but endlessly harping on me until I capitulated and did it her way. And if I was right and she was wrong she’d never just admit it and apologize. I was really starting to feel bad. Sometimes she was just so not the person I thought she was. It was confusing, ‘cuz most of the time it was all sweetness and light between us. And then it hit me – the navigation lady is a different person from the actual car! The navigation lady is a little tinpot dictator, a control freak and a real bitch. The car, my Joulie, is sweet and smart and funny and athletic.
But The Bitch and I have come to an understanding. We have to work together and we’ll just make the best of it. If she gets on me, I just mute her (Not in anger), and she doesn’t take it personally.

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One thought on “The Bitch in the Machine

  1. Arrived back in San Diego this morning from Colorado. Tesla’s are extremely popular here; not so much when you head east to the desert and very long stretches of lonely highway.

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